Clean Air by Sarah Blake

Author:Sarah Blake
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Algonquin Books
Published: 2022-12-15T00:00:00+00:00

Chapter Eighteen

Kaito fed the girls salmon that he found in the freezer while Izabel took a shower and checked the house again for left-behind things that might trigger her in the morning. When the boxes were full, Kaito piled them in the utility closet where no one had any reason to look at them again. Paz wrote that their things would come tomorrow.

“Everyone full?” Kaito asked, over the sound of a children’s television show.

Izabel peeked into the room and saw that Jana was leaning over to watch Cami’s tablet with her.

“I want Mommy to put me to bed,” Cami said.

“That’s fine,” Kaito said, “but that’s not what I asked. Are you full? Are you ready?”

Cami nodded.

Izabel walked over to them, hair still wet, and scooped up Cami. “Of course I will put you to bed!”

Jana went into her room without a word. Izabel took Cami to the bathroom where Cami peed and brushed her teeth, and Izabel put a little diaper cream around her anus that never stopped being red.

In bed, Izabel sang her a song her mother used to sing her, about baby chicks: “Los pollitos dicen, ‘pío pío pío,’ cuando tienen hambre y cuando tienen frio. La gallina busca el maíz y el trigo, les da la comida y les presta abrigo. Bajos sus dos alas, acurrucaditos, duermen los pollitos hasta el otro día.”

“Will you kiss my head?” Cami said. “I’m scared.”

“Why are you scared?” Izabel asked.

Cami didn’t answer.

“I was scared of my house when I was little,” Izabel said, which was true. She used to run up the stairs from her mother’s basement as if the dark could bite her. And, more foolishly, as if some true danger couldn’t reach her after she’d closed the basement door. “But this house is small,” Izabel said. “I walked all over it.” She got louder. “I looked in every corner.” She threw her arms out and then put them, in fists, on her hips. “I’m aware and in charge of every inch of this house!” She kissed Cami on her head as Cami giggled.

But after Cami was done giggling, she said she was still scared. Izabel didn’t know if it was because Cami’s fear was that great, or because Cami doubted that Izabel had the control she purported. And Izabel was almost certain it was the latter. And Izabel resented Cami for a thought she only might be having. And she felt that resentment as she kissed Cami and held her until she fell asleep.

Izabel went to Jana’s room next. Jana took out her earbuds.

“You holding up okay?” Izabel asked.

Jana nodded. “You?”

“Yeah.”

Jana pinched her pajama pants. “The inspector didn’t get any of my hijabs.”

“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. We can go buy you some tomorrow.”

“I don’t like to go out without one.”

Izabel thought of the scarf in her purse. “Would a scarf be okay? Until we buy one?”

Jana nodded.

“I was thinking about tomorrow,” Izabel said. “Is there anywhere you’re supposed to be?”

“Like school?”

“Yeah.”

“My mother was homeschooling me.”

“Ah, okay.”

“Until I decide on an apprenticeship.

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